Dear Perched Prima Donnas,
I have a bone to pick/break. In my mind, this bone is about the size of Italy’s tibia. If you don’t get that, just know that it’s a bone no dog is burying anytime soon.
I’ve had several conversations in past weeks about relationships (go figure). But more specifically about your kind, the woman who can’t find the upright man.
Hopefully, what follows will hammer you upside your head so hard that you’ll find yourself in front of a mirror nursing the knot that I plan on leaving. While you’re there, maybe you’ll conduct some introspection as well and see that you don’t need all that damn make-up. So if you’re up on a pedestal of any kind, you might want to come down now. I’m about to go Paul Bunyan on your perch with an ax named humility. …
You are single for a reason, and it ain’t because you want to be. It ain’t because there aren’t any good men or that they’re all taken. It ain’t because you’re smarter than every guy you date. You’re not. And it ain’t because you can quote Sojourner Truth’s “Ain’t I A Woman” verbatim.
Look at the company you keep, and you’ll see yourself. It’s cliche, but true. To understand this, you must choose a road less traveled of introspection, especially if your kept company blots your life story with major flaws and sprinkles of stupidity.
You want to know why [fecal matter] keeps falling on you like Biff from “Back To The Future?” Go look inside — and take cover. People can’t urinate on you unless you allow them to do so. Ask Robert Kelly or his cousin Avant. Even 8-year-old Riley Freeman knew this. Remember what he said: “When I see pee, I move.”
That said, you can’t continually say that there are no good men if you only surround yourself with material fit for a toilet bowl. Good men exist — they just don’t hang around toilets.
I’m not saying you should lower your standards. Just make sure they are reasonable. Try this: Date someone of equal yoke. Remember, yoke/yolk is deep within the egg’s flimsy shell.
Most of the guys you date see through that thin exterior — as do you. They see you on your pedestal. So instead of courting you, they chase you because they know that you’re not what they truly desire/need (~ Rob Weave). Trust me, Beyonce had it wrong: If he liked it, he woulda put a ring on it by now.
The catch is that you do several things wrong, and Mr. Right Guy(s) is side-eyeing you like you took the his big piece of chicken… Here’s why:
You choose the wrong guys to date, believing you can mold the guy you want into the man you need. You’re actually crazy enough to think that the fella who treats you like [manure] because he has the upper hand is more appealing than the pseudo-Yes man. SMH;
You’re too damn full of yourself/ignorant to see that you have a crap-ton of self-repair to do before anyone should seriously date you. If you don’t have a clue as to who you are, how are you supposed to give that to someone else? …;
You don’t give of yourself to a point where the right man actually feels secure enough to open up to you. He will. But if you spend the entire first date judging whether or not he deserves seconds, are you really showing him who you are? That’s right. You’re a skilled multi-tasker…;
You’re picky. You think perfection is feasible. It’s not. Look no further than yourself. Stop shutting good people out because of minor annoyances. Guess what? You’re annoying, too;
You waste the time and money of guys whom you have no sincere interest in dating. Why waste your and his time allowing him to trick off his paycheck on you when he has no hope? That’s stupid — and how you end up on your nightly news.
All of the above.
If you can find yourself in the bullet points above, you’re a trainwreck waiting to happen.
Face it, you’re just as flawed as any man you choose to date or look down upon. You’re no better than the 29-year-old guy with 21 kids and a minimum-wage gig. Yes, you’d be a fool to date/sleep with him, but you’re not better than him. To think/verbalize that you are, shows just how hollow you are. Gents see it — your shady hollowness. Again, that’s when men decide to chase, not court.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s plenty of dumb, unexplainable stuff that guys do while in pursuit. But if a guy shows you too much negativity or doesn’t tickle your fancy, why are you still humoring him with your time?
That was rhetorical. This is the truth: If you’re used to dealing with average dudes, maybe you need to admit that you’re an average chick. Don’t take that the wrong way. I’m definitely an average dude with mad flaws. And remember, we’re in Italy today, realizing that we’re nothing more than Romans who need to turn our swords away from other people.
In other words, get off your high horse. The steep fall off of your 24-inch stilletos platform causes more self-inflicted hurt than any man could ever do you. Stop thinking you’re too good for people. Be who you are. Stop wearing that make-up mask all the time.
Finally, be humble. Humility is infectious, and the desires of your heart will come to pass if you just see yourself for who you are, flaws and all (a decent Beyonce song). Realize that your perch de-womanizes you. Trust me, no man wants a perched Venutican. He wants a Roman who accepts her shortcomings and is willing to walk with crowds and still not lose her virtue.
Fear little… You should know the rest by now.
***still chopping at your perch***