in l355 th4n 30 m1nut3s

picture this….  i wake up in the morning get fresh n clean then shuka stairs go to car park to chomoa moti, hoooot neighbor rocks ups, she’s like can i hitch a ride am like hell yeah no doubt. then i weka key in ignition moti locks nyet starts naetin! tradegy! hoot neighbor wishes me well in fixing my jalopy and walks off.. agony! now 30 minutes down the line.. i fungua bonnet battery-check, then something tells me starter cud have kwamad i gonga gonga the thing.. ingia moti turn key then vrooooom .. damn insert all possible curse words here..! moti starts. target has potead in the horizon i drive off to work cursin all the blue balls gods.. LOL in life you win some you loose some i guess tha car was marking its territory damn these females!

Prima Donnas

Dear Perched Prima Donnas,

I have a bone to pick/break. In my mind, this bone is about the size of Italy’s tibia. If you don’t get that, just know that it’s a bone no dog is burying anytime soon.

I’ve had several conversations in past weeks about relationships (go figure). But more specifically about your kind, the woman who can’t find the upright man.

Hopefully, what follows will hammer you upside your head so hard that you’ll find yourself in front of a mirror nursing the knot that I plan on leaving. While you’re there, maybe you’ll conduct some introspection as well and see that you don’t need all that damn make-up. So if you’re up on a pedestal of any kind, you might want to come down now. I’m about to go Paul Bunyan on your perch with an ax named humility. …

You are single for a reason, and it ain’t because you want to be. It ain’t because there aren’t any good men or that they’re all taken. It ain’t because you’re smarter than every guy you date. You’re not. And it ain’t because you can quote Sojourner Truth’s “Ain’t I A Woman” verbatim.

Look at the company you keep, and you’ll see yourself. It’s cliche, but true. To understand this, you must choose a road less traveled of introspection, especially if your kept company blots your life story with major flaws and sprinkles of stupidity.
You want to know why [fecal matter] keeps falling on you like Biff from “Back To The Future?” Go look inside — and take cover. People can’t urinate on you unless you allow them to do so. Ask Robert Kelly or his cousin Avant. Even 8-year-old Riley Freeman knew this. Remember what he said: “When I see pee, I move.”

That said, you can’t continually say that there are no good men if you only surround yourself with material fit for a toilet bowl. Good men exist — they just don’t hang around toilets.

I’m not saying you should lower your standards. Just make sure they are reasonable. Try this: Date someone of equal yoke. Remember, yoke/yolk is deep within the egg’s flimsy shell.

Most of the guys you date see through that thin exterior — as do you. They see you on your pedestal. So instead of courting you, they chase you because they know that you’re not what they truly desire/need (~ Rob Weave). Trust me, Beyonce had it wrong: If he liked it, he woulda put a ring on it by now.

The catch is that you do several things wrong, and Mr. Right Guy(s) is side-eyeing you like you took the his big piece of chicken… Here’s why:

You choose the wrong guys to date, believing you can mold the guy you want into the man you need. You’re actually crazy enough to think that the fella who treats you like [manure] because he has the upper hand is more appealing than the pseudo-Yes man. SMH;

You’re too damn full of yourself/ignorant to see that you have a crap-ton of self-repair to do before anyone should seriously date you. If you don’t have a clue as to who you are, how are you supposed to give that to someone else? …;

You don’t give of yourself to a point where the right man actually feels secure enough to open up to you. He will. But if you spend the entire first date judging whether or not he deserves seconds, are you really showing him who you are? That’s right. You’re a skilled multi-tasker…;

You’re picky. You think perfection is feasible. It’s not. Look no further than yourself. Stop shutting good people out because of minor annoyances. Guess what? You’re annoying, too;

You waste the time and money of guys whom you have no sincere interest in dating. Why waste your and his time allowing him to trick off his paycheck on you when he has no hope? That’s stupid — and how you end up on your nightly news.

All of the above.
If you can find yourself in the bullet points above, you’re a trainwreck waiting to happen.

Face it, you’re just as flawed as any man you choose to date or look down upon. You’re no better than the 29-year-old guy with 21 kids and a minimum-wage gig. Yes, you’d be a fool to date/sleep with him, but you’re not better than him. To think/verbalize that you are, shows just how hollow you are. Gents see it — your shady hollowness. Again, that’s when men decide to chase, not court.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s plenty of dumb, unexplainable stuff that guys do while in pursuit. But if a guy shows you too much negativity or doesn’t tickle your fancy, why are you still humoring him with your time?

That was rhetorical. This is the truth: If you’re used to dealing with average dudes, maybe you need to admit that you’re an average chick. Don’t take that the wrong way. I’m definitely an average dude with mad flaws. And remember, we’re in Italy today, realizing that we’re nothing more than Romans who need to turn our swords away from other people.

In other words, get off your high horse. The steep fall off of your 24-inch stilletos platform causes more self-inflicted hurt than any man could ever do you. Stop thinking you’re too good for people. Be who you are. Stop wearing that make-up mask all the time.

Finally, be humble. Humility is infectious, and the desires of your heart will come to pass if you just see yourself for who you are, flaws and all (a decent Beyonce song). Realize that your perch de-womanizes you. Trust me, no man wants a perched Venutican. He wants a Roman who accepts her shortcomings and is willing to walk with crowds and still not lose her virtue.

Fear little… You should know the rest by now.

***still chopping at your perch***

Credit: This was lifted off one of my favorite spots on the internets!<br /> http://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/05/31/vii-pedestal-pattys/

Uptight ladies and shameless Bamba Twenty..somethings

Hey wasup my people *waving excitedly* its been a while and ya boy here has been up to quite alot

This is going to be pretty much about anything and nothing in particular so assume we are chilling in my sitting room and just vibing that way it’l make sense.

Recently learned is the term bamba twenty, basically this is a ka lass fresh from highschool down for all plans on a single calls notice, so chaps that ka young lass you are eyeing could be a bamba-21 LOL

The other day my older pal K calls me for a ka loose one, you know very well am addicted to whitecaps i quit JWs after they nearly fried my liver so easy easy we are chilling his boy joins us, now lets call him Psyche coz a negro had psyche for ten mofos and tales from here to timbuktu

So tale number one, psyche meets a chic during 10-aside, they bond one two three and exchange numbers, kidogo kidogo after about three days mama texts a dude and this is how it goes.

Chics Text: Hi sweetie, am in a fix wioyee si you send me 15 Gs. Now if you know me well, am sure you have a clue how i’d have replied to that text after fighting the urge to ignore.

so psyche lengaz, after a couple of hours she calls

Chic: Hi Sweetie, did you get my text
Dude: Who are you.?
Chic: Si am the chic you met in nakxs the other day
Dude:*Mind racing madly seeing as he has a plethora of bamba twenties numbers* errrm am sorry i have no clue who you are
Chic: Huh , you cant be serious
Dude: Haiya am serious hebu identify yourself
Chic: clack clack nywet!8 * she hangs up

And thats how a dude was saved 15Grand from a chic he had no clue what her second names was

*take a break, fix yourself a drink, sit back and relax*

Tale number two, In real time after pint had taken a toll on us we playing pool then psyche decides to nyemelea some chic, kumbe she’s of the uptight tribe, and this is how it played.

Psyche: disclaimer * Am not hitting on you*
Chic: hhhhm okay, so whats you story
psyche: aaaarg si ive just kujad here so we bond seeing as your boy is busy playing pool
Chic: Alright..
Psyche: So whats your name
Chic: even if i tell you my name you wont kumbuka seeing as you are high like a kite
Psyche: just tell me, trust me just like am sure i’l be at jobo 7:30 in the am i will kumbuka
Chic: No u wont

i listened thus far coz that right there was a mama from the species i dont pay much regard to, whats so difficult in being nice to a stranger for petes sake if you dont want people talking to you at the local of all places drink at your crib and spare us local dwellers the bad karma. we go to the local for a good time nyef nyef

in other news shout out to all easy people out there, who know what it is and are aware that this is life and no one will get out of it alive. Its never that serious Pamoja!

M0menT 0f truth.

SupremeGream thank you for the award, tell’em i know am awesomely awesome.

The Ten

1. I’m an introvert on regular programming but i open up to people pretty easily if i realize you are of the intelligent type and have an idea where the grand canyon is.

2. I have a distaste for braggarts and people who ride on other folks fame, and cant stop running thier mouth about
so and so has this or am planning to do this or i will catch up with you and shit, this aint a race negro this is life, do what you gotta do and let it speak for itself. i always make it known to them theres two sides to a coin go figure

3. In the recent past i’ve become pretty blunt and i wont hesitate to tell it to your face when you act plain dumb what me and my peeps call acting like a ng’ombe or become a pain.

4. I respect true friendships, and make friends quite easily but the moment i realize you is a friend of convenience, poof like a bad habit you get dropped, friends of whats the plan its friday also are slowly having the axe fall on them.

5. Clingy women are a major turnoff, gold diggers and pigeons alike fall in the same time space continium too. also “i’m miss indepedent and i will rub it on your face” kinda put me off too.

6. In my list of to do is date an older woman, there’s something am not sure what that makes them come across as complex in a way, my fantasy i guess to be proven in a shortwhile.

7. I love my job, that has led to people reffering to me as a workaholic it cost me my last relationship damn! that should tell you am good at what i do too no chest thumping.

8. I HATE touchy niggaz i dont get it how a dude cant keep his hands to himself if you need to touch something touch yourself dont come squeezing my hand or my shoulders that shit is just plain irritating.

9. I’m religious, i make it a point to visit the house of the Lord every so often just to bask in his glory.

10.In my 20something odd years i have dated twice- wrong women at that, that also is the normal count of the heartbreaks. ever since i’ve learnt to always leave my heart at my bedside everytime i leave the house in the morning and no am Not cold !

The Rules.

I would wish to extend the award to the below with the following instructions.
1.You must brag about the award – check
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger – check
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.- check
4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions!

The list

Vipper most adventurous chap i know
Bella dude do the effin tag no homo!
Militant assuming he’s done fighting for gay rights
Orioneur i miss her tales
Boyfulani how he plays with words is amazing
louizahw pretty lass should tell us a lil about herself
Archer boss dose from yours ni lazima – though u been tagged endlessly.

G-CODE RULES

What is the G-Code?
The G-Code is the unspoken set of rules that all men should just damn know to abide by. It’s the rules to the game of life that all men should respect in terms of dealing with other men. It’s the understanding that all men SHOULD have that helps guide their interactions with one another.

Thou shalt not date thine homies girlfriend, while he is dating her. Or ever, actually. This is just bad business on some looser sh*t.

Thou shalt not do deeds behind thine homies back that will put him in a dangerous situation merely for thine own good. Especially for the p*ssy.

Thou shalt not throw another man under a bus to make thineself look good.

Thou shalt remember that it’s bros before hoes. Period.

Thou shalt not get jealous for jealousy is a female trait. ←-Jay-Z said it, not me.

Thou shalt not let emotions cloud one’s judgement. Men act rationally. Unmen act on emotions.

Thou shalt do the crime if thou doesth the time. Thou SHALL NOT attempt to reduce thine own sentence by taking down a homeboy on some non-sense.

Thou shalt not act like ole b*tch when things don’t go thine way. We call this b*tchassness.

Thou shalt not be a b*tchass for being a b*tchass is how ninjas get dead.

Similarly, thou shalt have thine homies back if the situation calls for it and your homie didn’t directly put you both in harms way by being a b*tchass.

In fact, thou shalt check thine b*tchassness at the door because real G’s do real things and thou cannot do real things if you got nuts in your mouth. Or on your shoulder.

Thou shalt stay true to the game, respect the game, and treat the game like you want the game to treat you. What is the game? The game is whatever life you live.

Ladies, if you are dating a man who seems to be at odds with any of these rules, which come down to general respect for the next man, run like Hell, he just might get you killed.

PS: Women can replace all gender-specific wording with the opposite (i.e. hoes before bros, etc.) and the code should work. Trifling heffas that don’t respect the code should be avoided at all costs because they WILL get you dead.

Why Men Cheat

I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just sayin what I’m sayin.

Basically take care of what you have if you plan on keepin it. Below is a joke that can kinda explains some(not all) things from a guys point of view and ladies don’t shoot the messager:

The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady!

“You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving this house, I want a divorce!”

The husband, replies “Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened”

“Hummmmm, I don’t know, well it’ll be the last thing I will hear from you. But make it fast, you unfaithful pig you”

The husband begins to tell his story . . . “While driving home this young lady asks for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll gain weight; the poor thing, practically devours them. Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co -worker wearing the same pair.” The husband continues his story . . . . .

“The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door. When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me:

“Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use?”

for more on similar juice go here http://www.hypnotikentertainment.com/v2/home.cfm?page=RealTalk_blogs

Tribute To My Blogosphere Family

This is the peeps on my blog roll

@Ash

You redefine crazy am chilling for that invite to a sober sunday session. bli’dat! and no its not what you think i think… gotcha!

@Archer

The Maneno mbili makes a niggaz dayz keep doing what you do

@vipp3r

Nigga we’ve come from far damn this is like evolution bro real talk we told em hommy  best bli’dat! thank me later for karibishaing you to the blogosphere..bitch!

@Militant

Your researched, deep politics and fight of injust systems posts is dope keep doing it. everytime i kumbuka the statement my hair is luxurious i cheka mad

@Bella

Hehehe well the drama keeps some of us going you set the “bar” too high

@KD*

told like it is does she still like you damn!

@Rest i.e those reading and know shit about blogging join a circus or something you cant be serious you have nothing to tell us….

Story Of My Boys

Interesting i have this niggaz that have had my back from way back and ive never told you guys about em so here we go.

M
M is the mainest nigga, this dude is realer than a motha.What?!the kind of dude that will quickly chapa a 3d image of a mamaz diab n store it in his diab db for future reference crazy ass nucca and three minutes later tell you how the stock market is doing and why it’l take some time before we feel the pains of recession coz we third world and have alwayz been in that recession bitch.!

N
This is the dude, N has mad loot i pity him when a random mama juaz he has it made to the ceiling he’s mad generous.he’s the smartest dude n believes in being self made and thinks desks jobs are shit.

SK
S is the drunkard doctor former desk mate of mine this cat will hit on anything that walks coz he believes epithelium is epithelium yellow blue or white. ish is the same. this is a cat destined for some albert einstein kinda shit in the medical world

NM
Real talk nigga this is the cat that i turn to when i need some reality check real talk get back to reality kinda vibe, business man in the making mad risk taker cheers bro do yo thang.

T
T is a former collegue of mine only dude from my former place of work that we planned evil ish with, when spotted leaving the office with this nicca everyone would be asking where to meet us later coz we had it made plan wise. T also passes for the Pimp coz i five minutes notice T can whip not less that five mamiz for a plan.. bli’dat!

J

J is the nigga on soap coz we have no record of J dating anybodies daughter i rest my case.

OG

This is my bro from the lakeside damn dude can run his mouth and can trash talk he good though. seen better days with this nigga from drinking bucket(if u was in a public uni u know what am tokin about) cheap liquor to him being at the heart of liquor production and not dissapointing with the supplies.

C

This is the global nigga. with a thing for MILFs and specialization in caucasian mamiz exclusively i told u a nigga is global hehehe. a vast knowledgable nigga from microchips to the dynamics of world economies name it he’l tell you alot about it.

My blog bro’s
Ya’ll know urselfs in one way or another you keep me on the sane side of ish…cheers

those are the niggaz that will make it to the pall bearers list be right back….. keep reading

Of S and The Sta4rt of y3ar 2008

Fresh into the rat race nothing much was happening i was barely begining to survive making my first real stacks werent much but hey i could like every other native on the block hit westy and get high on my own stacks and once in a while catch a cab home you digg.. ok side storo i just kumbukad this one time me and my boy S and M hit westy three man army with quite a bit of loot or so we thought. so 2100Hrs sharp we was in rezorus place wasnt kickin for shit we sit down n start getin wasted place gets packed we’r pretty much makaratasi in no time my boy S does his thing pimps his way through the dance fall ya’ll know how that mothafucka called rezorus gets full so niggaz get grinded on for free… moving on swiftly late at night huko at about 2 my boy S comes to me and informs me his phone is gone.. now this is where the night took a mad downward spiral and i’l take you step by step. S calls me up to where him and hoodrat was getin jiggy at.. i find the hoodrat and another set of three S proceeds to ask his catch to empty the contents of her bag on the table.. see S coudlt afford to loose that phone coz a nigga was hustling for jobo mad.. and was expecting some calls.lol anyway hoodrat emptys her bag a thousands and one things fall out includin a wigg but no phone. drama ensues mad matusis start flying . people start demanding for apologies for embarassement but S is mad convinced that his earlier grind supplier had jacked him.. bouncers showup at some point S is thrown out..by the way al this time am playing koffi annan.. outside insults keep flying S keeps runin his mouth like an engine fan belt. and starts threatening the bouncers damn am like nigga ur brave. you’ve been thrown out its fuckin cold outside the night just got ruined and now ur tokin shit to the face controls(bouncers lol) i pull S to a corner and ask a nigga to chill out he tells me nothing so i let him go. two steps away cops show up hoodrat mamaz point at S and say he’s the nigga thats been disturbin the peace in rezorus. mofo gets slapped mad.. and hand cuffed i try to tok to the cops they sem hata wewe am like officer hapana mimi ni bystander lol. anyway they tell us if we want S we meet em at sarit after two hours.. bottom line 2 hours later while very sober me and M meet S and the cops at sarit we give the fucks 7sok and S is let free. very sober. lesson learnt you should never raise your voice in the clubs especialy if its mamaz involved and cops are a piece of shit..  we went on to get arrested three more times with S. nigga is jinxed so i had to cut ties with the mofo coz popos seemed to like arrestin him and i was next in line…..

The Shadow Effect

Why is it that every girl i start dating developes what i’d like to call the shadow effect, this is what i mean

Take 1. E my Ex we started off well dated for a year and a half then she started telling me that she had no real friends n shit like that and that i was the only person she could hang out with hmm that set off the bomb and i drifted off. coz for me its family, the boyz then my gal. strangely enough with the break up we now communicate much more easily and are much more easier with each other
Take 2. C my latest catch started off well the loose sms once in a while then a radom call now its become an every hour update of watever the fuck she’s doing including eating fuck that am drifting off and am starting to ignore her calls and pick the ones i want that should send her the i dont need a second shadow.. signal  it is what it is

Is there some gals out there who give men breathing space basically a gal that will be easy with a morning lunchtime and b4 i sleep update save for when am feeling randy and flirtatious coz i think am dating the wrong species of gals aka the clingy i suffer from shadow effect kinda gal…..!